Sometimes It’s Worth It

I love the fair. I did not grow up going to the fair, and that may be why I love it so much. I missed out on a good 20 years of fair-going, and now that I am a seasoned Orange County resident, I need to make up for lost time. Of course, what draws me the most to the fair besides spending a fun day with my friends, is the amazing and horribly delicious “I can’t believe you ate that, it’s going to give you a heart attack” food. And I love. My. Food.

I have an obsession with my weight; I think it’s built into my DNA to never be able to shrink below a size 7. It’s a daily struggle to be comfortable in my own skin. I got up to a size 16 four years ago andsubsequently got back down to my current size 8 status two years ago. However, I think that once you’ve become a heavier weight, your self image doesn’t go back down with your waistline. People laugh at me when I say I feel fat, but I mean every word of it. I meticulously count my calories every day and when that scale still fluctuates, I feel like a size 16 all over again.

I envy the girls who say they’ve learned to be comfortable in their own skin. I don’t reference her in this post to get political, but I think she’s a prime example; I love that Meghan McCain and I are the same size and that she’s completely comfortable with her body. Therefore, it makes me sad that she’s been referred to as a heavier girl when she’s a completely healthy weight. That means that I, my 5’10″ size 8 self, am also a “heavier” girl.

(What wouldn’t I give to have shot this photo??)

Do I think Meghan looks fat in this photo? Absolutely not – I think she looks beautiful and healthy. But I can guarantee that if I were sitting on that elephant (SO cool) I would think I looked huge.

Which brings me back to the fair. I don’t even want to begin to tell you everything I ate at the fair this past weekend. I’ll admit to doing the “happy food dance” a couple times, particularly when I had corn on the cobb with mayonnaise and parmesan cheese, and paired a red velvet cupcake with Blue Moon. (Aw yeah – I do fat right.) The point of the story is that I have to remember sometimes, it’s worth it. Sometimes, I need to let go and enjoy what’s around me – the fun of the fair, the joy in good company, and to relax and have a good time. Sometimes it’s worth it to post an imperfect photo because it reminds me that I’m imperfect, and life is imperfect, but it can still be wonderful. Because in 20 years I won’t remember that extra pound; I’ll remember the amazing time I had with my friends.